Small and Simple, Grand and Greater

It's been awhile since I have posted here. I didn't know where else to document this lesson! SO here it is.

Learned a valuable lesson this morning teaching dance:

I had seen him before in the hallways, usually walking with an administrator or sitting in the office. When he came to my classroom I had already given up on him. I wasn't surprised when he asked to go change his schedule and I willing allowed him to leave. But he came back, they wouldn't let him change his classes until lunch so we both had to deal with it for the next 50 minutes. Looking to sit out he told me he had a headache....right...I told him I expected him to participate while he was in my classroom, at least the best he could and I told him I was sorry.

I didn't fight him. I asked him nicely to remove his socks and shoes, I provided him with a pencil and paper for notes, I collected his notes because he didn't bring his binder. But I had no intention of keeping them, he was never coming back.

Then we started moving. He didn't run when I asked, he walked. He didn't put forth much effort at all, but I wasn't in the mood to push him, he was leaving anyway. But then when I asked the students to curve their spin and roll down to touch their toes he caught my eye. He tucked his chin first, he smoothly moved through the entire 8 count time frame and returned to standing just as I hoped all my students would. That's when I started to feel bad. He was good. He had potential. He could enjoy class. He deserved to have a class he could be successful in. But he was leaving, and I promised myself on the way to school I wouldn't worry about students who didn't want to take my class and allow them to change out if they wished to. Besides, with the effort he was putting forth, i could see despite his innate skill teaching him would probably be a struggle...but then isn't that why I teach!?! because of the struggle! I don't want to teach if there is no one to help, nothing to accomplish, no way to make a difference. He is the kind of student I would like to help, to reach out to, to encourage.
But he was leaving....so I kept on moving and kept class going.

At the end of class as I helped the students figure out locker combinations and answer questions about dance attire he came to my desk and abruptly spoke to me.

"You know what. I respect you. You want to know why I respect you? You move with us. Other P.E. teachers, coaches and instructors just watch you. But you do it with us!"

I can't remember ever receiving such a great compliment from a student. It was so insightful and something I never expected to be appreciated for. I told him as sincerely as I could how grateful I was for his feedback and expressed how much I love dancing alongside my students.

He walked away but I dared to ask him, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?" To which he replied, "Oh yeah, I'm staying now."

This experience has filled me with both fear and faith, well I guess humility and faith. I feel humbled that this student, who seems to respect very few individuals at our school has decided to respect me. I feel that this is a great responsibility and I pray that I can continue to be someone he respects and looks to for guidance at school. Just dancing with my students isn't everything, I know that, so I hope that I life my life in such a way that he can begin to respect me for other things, things that are of more consequence. I hope he begins to follow or learn from those examples that I set as well.

I am filled with faith because now I see how even the smallest things can make a big difference. To model and demonstrate what I am asking my students to perform seems a small thing to me but it has presented me with a large reward. It makes me think, what other small things am I doing or not doing that could yield large and meaningful results. Sometimes when tasks or ideas are small I like to put them in the category of "inconsequential." I think nobody will really notice if it didn't happen or didn't exist right? No harm, no foul? Well what about no help, no happiness? Rather then making an effort to justify how my lack of action hasn't really hurt anybody because they don't know what they've lost I want to take the small choices presented to me and see them as a way to help someone gain something.

Small decisions can bring large rewards and make a big difference. And, they are SMALL decisions, they don't require a lot of effort so there is no excuse to justify not doing the small and simple things in my life. Here's to the small and simple that make life grand and greater!

Things I Might Enjoy This Summer

I love free events! There is nothing so much fun as free fun :) So the best way to have free fun is to plan it, to be aware of the free events and then plan to attend so that you can't go spend money elsewhere!

I also accept groupon fun as almost free fun :) Here are some of my ideas for this summer! Anyone want to come!?

• Today while Ian and I hang around Salt Lake before playing the Battle of the Bands at In The Venue tonight with Ahoy Captain we will be spending some time at the Living Traditions Festival put on by the Salt Lake City Arts Council. I hope they have African food!!! http://livingtraditionsfestival.com/information/whats-new
• Park City Gallery Stroll the first Friday of each month. Provo has one of these as well downtown. http://www.parkcitygalleryassociation.com/
• The Grassroots Shakespeare Company puts on hilarious performances of Shakespeare's greatest works. I always laugh so hard and the way they present it is accessible to all ages and all levels of Shapespeare love. For a very affordable price I will definitely be attending a few of their shows this summer! http://www.grassrootsshakespeare.com/
• My husband and I love music! The Twilight Concert Series in Pioneer Park Downtown SLC is an awesome opportunity to see great bands play at cheap prices! We are totally there all summer long! http://twilightconcertseries.com/
• More to come!

Perfectly Imperfect

I recently choreographed a dance called "Perfectly Imperfect" for the Cottonwood High Dance Company. The theme of the concert was "Human" so I thought what could be more fun than creating a dance about how humans make mistakes, "to err is human" right!? So I created a quirky modern dance with inspiration from the social swing dance called the Lindy Hop as displayed in one of my favorite dance clips of all time "Hellzapoppin"and then created a variety of embarrassing things that could happen to dancers on stage and choreographed them into the dance.

The students performed so that all its imperfection was perfectly played out on stage. I wish I had a personal recording of it now (shooting myself in the foot)  but then today I found this clip.....this is the quintessential version of my idea in balletic form. ENJOY!

I'm thinking of getting a rock.

Well, apparently after losing my stick I had no reason to blog anymore!

well pshwehlk to that....I still have things to say, and I'm still having great life experiences I just don't have a stick to witness all of them. But I'm thinking of getting a rock.

I mean I've had lots of rocks. Those who have driven in the tuna can (my car :) ) have seen my collection of rocks kept in the crevasses of the dashboard and console of my car. I love rocks. I love the way they feel, the way they're formed, their colors, their texture. I love collecting them and I think I need some more.

My Aunt and Uncle in Seattle have done the most earthy thing with their rocks! They have laid them in the grout between the tiles they laid on their bathroom floor! I want to do that with a bathroom I get to remodel in the future. I will solidify the memories of many trips and experiences by putting the rocks I collected from them in the grout. Only I don't know if I will do it on the floor....my feet weren't quite prepared for the uneven surface.

Currently the only way I preserve my rock collections are in the crevasses in my cars as previously mentioned and in two glass jars. One jar contains green, orange, black, and purple colored rocks collected from the Columbia River Gorge on Ian and I's honeymoon. And the other jar just broke in our recent move to Holladay, UT. It was my favorite; a vintage milk jar full of white and black rocks from Watmouth Bay, found on Lopez Island in the San Juan Island chain. The neck of the bottle was adorned with a black ribbon with white polka dots. It was beautiful on my black bookshelf.

My professor showed us this awesome book that I also must purchase called Everybody Needs a Rock, by Byrd Baylor. And not only do I wholly agree with the title I loved the steps the girl gives to picking out the perfect rock. I believe I will use her advice this Spring Break to find my rock. I hope to discover more than a hunk of minerals and elements, though that is outwardly what we really enjoy about rocks. Stay posted and I will let ya know what I find.

Sad news....

I lost the stick.

I haven't any idea where it has landed. It was with me at the airport in SLC, but not when I arrived in Kona, Hawaii. However, I know that wherever it is, it is still perfect. I hope it is still appreciated appropriately in its new home.

Thing is, I always new I would lose it. I knew from the moment I attached to it that I'd have to allow it to go if it must. That doesn't mean I'll forget the memories or forget the lessons learned with the stick. Realistically, by losing the stick it is continuing to be perfect to me. The natural phenomenon of change, loss, and moving on is a natural and organic occurrence. My stick wasn't fake, contrived, or plastic, it was organic and real. So by following through its course in life it continues to remain natural and perfect.

I will miss it greatly, but am grateful for the time I had with it. And don't think this blog goes kapoot now that the "perfect stick" is gone. Because though it is gone it still meant something to me, and I'm completely open to redefining the mascot for this blog. Maybe it will be something I pick up in Africa? That would link this blog to my Africa Field Studies blog :). I dunno....I'm open to anything, any suggestions?

O, I do have one regret that I never got a picture of the stick. O well! A great lesson in moving is now in session.

Faith

Campus is really a beautiful place and I really enjoy doing some study and reading on the lawn, in the shade, or in the sunshine in the beautiful morning hours.

I just wanted to share some awesome things I read this morning. These excerpts are from Richard G Scott's talk the "Transformating Power of Faith and Character."

Click here to read the talk.

First what I really loved was,

"Faith and character are intimately related. Faith in the power of obedience to the commandments of God will forge strength of character available to you in times of urgent need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is intended to be used. Your exercise of faith in true principles builds character; fortified character expands your capacity to exercise more faith. As a result, your capacity and confidence to conquer the trials of life is enhanced."

This is so cool! One of my professors, in situations where we mess up or are ineffective and have to try again or labor a bit more than expected, is often found saying "We do things the hard way, it builds character." This always got a good chuckle and kept things light. I love this professor for their attitude and optimism but I have to admit I haven't always loved thinking I need to do things the hard way to build character. This quote brought peace to my mind over this contradicting value orientation. What my professor I believe is really trying to say is that we DO hard things to USE our character. What a great opportunity no? How many times a day am I faced with a challenge and then I get to exercise my character and my faith to conquer it? This has changed my perspective on my daily decisions and attitude towards temptation and challenge in life.

Elder Scott quoted Hugh B. Brown as well, "Wherever in life great spiritual values await man's appropriation, only faith can appropriate them. Man cannot live without faith, because in life's adventure the central problem is character-building - which is not a product of logic, but of faith in ideals and sacrificial devotion to them."

My life over the past few years can be described as a contrived collaboration between my thoughts, my desires and my belief in my own self will and power to change. I've used logic to brainstorm my own solutions to problems, I have trusted my intellect and motivated myself by awarding or punishing myself in extreme manners depending on the performance of my own self will. But I can attest to you this is no way to build character. This is a great way to distance yourself from God and keep yourself from appropriating the spiritual things of this life, the things that bring real answers, peace and joy.

Faith is the key. It is true that "man cannot live without" it! Faith includes believing Christ's promises and believing He loves you personally and sincerely and that He has answers for you. Faith is the new logic. It's like the pot of gold, only at the beginning of the rainbow. It's where all beauty and enlightenment stems from.

I want to leave one more quote. "Every time you try your faith- that is, act in worthiness on an impression- you will receive the confirming evidence of the Spirit. As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise."

I do not have the self mastery, the solutions or the power I have falsely believed I have had. It is the spirit who can give me answers and it takes walking out into the unknown. Stepping forward with faith and acting on the impressions we receive. Our paths, our decisions, can be directed and we can become who we need and want to be, but only with faith.

Uncertainty: Certainly a favorite.

I love asking questions. To inquire about what is going on around me without the expectation of an answer. It feels so enlivening and so refreshing just to be curious. This is where Anne of Green Gables and I are kindred spirits I think.

Studying math and rote dance steps has left little for my imagination at times and I frequently accept in my mind and my heart that there is an expected and certain answer to every social, spiritual, emotional and physical question I have. But there isn't!

Over the past two years as I've struggled with adjusting my lifestyle to battle an auto-immune disorder and regain my health I have believed in conventional practices such as strict nutritional dieting, supplements and doctor's visits both natural and synthetic, exercise, and massage. So far, these things haven't worked for me and I have put in my best effort. The results just seem to be more depression, feelings of deprivation, exhaustion, lethargy and muscle soreness. I just don't seem to have the answers.

Maybe the problem is that I have had ALL the ANSWERS. For every problem I've hastily created my own solution or answer. But as the scriptures say I have learned that I cannot trust in my own flesh.

I have recently reconciled myself to believe I don't have the answers and I do not have the power to remove my burdens or change my challenges. But I do have a big brother who can "make my burdens light" so that I can carry them with meekness and cheerfulness. And the spirit can guide me to God's will and I can receive answers if I listen for them, instead of create them myself.

Well over the past while I haven't been as cheerful as I could be. But this experience with field studies has taught me how to question. How to question without expectation of an answer. They've taught me that inquiry is a valid and insightful form of learning. It requires faith and patience just as my relationship with the spirit and Heavenly Father does, resulting in answers or new ideas on an unexpected time line or in unpredicted situations.

Pragmatism is a valuable virtue I obviously possess with all the solution making I've done over the past 2 years (sheesh). But it has made me prideful. It has led me to believe I have some sort of power in me when I don't. But God does and I have had to learn to humbly accept His power, help, guidance and love. Inquiry has helped me do this because asking questions requires some degree of humility in order to accept that answers will not be prompt, nor predictable.

Waterfall along BYU's nature walk south of campus where I take my morning stroll.

So this pragmatic attitude is now a skill that I plan to channel into my vigor for questions. Though I miss exercising frequently and rigorously, it does nothing but frustrate me because of my weakness and pain. Therefore I will humbly accept that maybe just a few morning walks will suffice til I find a better solution. I will fill my morning walks with nature and sunshine and questions upon questions for myself to ponder. Oo and maybe some friends I can converse with!? That way I can feel just as energized and excited about life after my walks as I believed I would feel after a good work out.

Thanks field studies, you've already started to change my life.