Uncertainty: Certainly a favorite.

I love asking questions. To inquire about what is going on around me without the expectation of an answer. It feels so enlivening and so refreshing just to be curious. This is where Anne of Green Gables and I are kindred spirits I think.

Studying math and rote dance steps has left little for my imagination at times and I frequently accept in my mind and my heart that there is an expected and certain answer to every social, spiritual, emotional and physical question I have. But there isn't!

Over the past two years as I've struggled with adjusting my lifestyle to battle an auto-immune disorder and regain my health I have believed in conventional practices such as strict nutritional dieting, supplements and doctor's visits both natural and synthetic, exercise, and massage. So far, these things haven't worked for me and I have put in my best effort. The results just seem to be more depression, feelings of deprivation, exhaustion, lethargy and muscle soreness. I just don't seem to have the answers.

Maybe the problem is that I have had ALL the ANSWERS. For every problem I've hastily created my own solution or answer. But as the scriptures say I have learned that I cannot trust in my own flesh.

I have recently reconciled myself to believe I don't have the answers and I do not have the power to remove my burdens or change my challenges. But I do have a big brother who can "make my burdens light" so that I can carry them with meekness and cheerfulness. And the spirit can guide me to God's will and I can receive answers if I listen for them, instead of create them myself.

Well over the past while I haven't been as cheerful as I could be. But this experience with field studies has taught me how to question. How to question without expectation of an answer. They've taught me that inquiry is a valid and insightful form of learning. It requires faith and patience just as my relationship with the spirit and Heavenly Father does, resulting in answers or new ideas on an unexpected time line or in unpredicted situations.

Pragmatism is a valuable virtue I obviously possess with all the solution making I've done over the past 2 years (sheesh). But it has made me prideful. It has led me to believe I have some sort of power in me when I don't. But God does and I have had to learn to humbly accept His power, help, guidance and love. Inquiry has helped me do this because asking questions requires some degree of humility in order to accept that answers will not be prompt, nor predictable.

Waterfall along BYU's nature walk south of campus where I take my morning stroll.

So this pragmatic attitude is now a skill that I plan to channel into my vigor for questions. Though I miss exercising frequently and rigorously, it does nothing but frustrate me because of my weakness and pain. Therefore I will humbly accept that maybe just a few morning walks will suffice til I find a better solution. I will fill my morning walks with nature and sunshine and questions upon questions for myself to ponder. Oo and maybe some friends I can converse with!? That way I can feel just as energized and excited about life after my walks as I believed I would feel after a good work out.

Thanks field studies, you've already started to change my life.